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November 10, 2009

Mauri Ora Fathers’ Circle November 2009

We talked about the need to inform children, as soon as possible in the event of a separation. This may seem hard, because you don’t want to admit it’s the end, of face it, and the children may have a half an idea something’s up, so it pays to ease the tension, see if they have any questions, if it comes as a shock to the children, that’s no good.

One of us asssured us that despite his parents splitting up, when he was around 10, his father always talked to him, kept to his word and made heaps of time for his son, plus how children need to know both parents still love them.

We suggested that the ‘announcement’ of the separation, should be pre-planned, in a calm time and place, by the parents, including most of what is to be said. The children need to know they have a say if they need, and that the positive, ‘two homes now’ angle can help.

Someone said it’s hard when ‘ideals’ or dreams are broken, someone else said you have to break eggs to make omelette. One of us said it pays to be sure you are safe, and that the relationship you have with your children is safe, especially the lines of communication with and about them, even if that means you have to move out or put up with other things.

One of us said how he had agonised over his recent leaving, but talked to his daughter carefully, maintains heaps of time, and now has a good arrangement with her and the mother.

One of us has just got his same child out of starship, again, now on new medication, but certainly better than last week!

Father & Child News