Four? That’s BIG

Family sizes have shrunk, especially amongst Pakeha, but some couples, like Justin and Leeanne Makinson, still think big. By Peter R Walker.

Today, four children is officially a big family.

Just a generation ago, three four or five children in a family was common. A generation before that it was common to have a family of seven, eight, or nine children. Or more. Nowadays, however, most families are smaller.

The perception is that having a large family must be expensive. And chaotic. However, it is not necessarily true and, like most families, children (whether one or four or more) require some compromise, and continuous adjustment.

“With Lucy, we outgrew our car,” says Justin. He and his wife, Leeann, have four children, aged fourteen, eleven, six, and Lucy is just one and a bit.
A bigger car was just one of the adjustments they required to accommodate the newest addition to their family.

“We have waves of feeling busy,” says Justin, “but don’t feel it’s too much.” However, if you consider that Justin is studying full-time to be a secondary teacher and has just become a Youth Worker with the Father and Child Trust, or that Leeann is in training for the Auckland Marathon, that they have a fifteen year old cat called Vader, some guinea pigs and a new puppy called Bear, and that they home school their children, most could be forgiven for thinking that Justin’s ‘waves’ might really be tsunamis.

But clearly they make it work. They are not independently wealthy, and they haven’t won big in Lotto recently. So, like most families, they prioritise.
“We don’t make false promises,” Justin says about what the children can and cannot do.

Two of the children are good swimmers and, as it is for all parents, it can be a double-edged sword. When one or more of their children begin to succeed in sports, while most parents want their children to be successful, such things instantly begin to require more resources from possibly already stretched budgets and hours in the day.

Justin and Leeann’s philosophy in this regard is simple. “If you make it to the top levels, we’ll find the money.”

They also take a “life is learning” approach to home-schooling their children. It’s about character development. “Getting the kids involved, whether it’s cooking tea, looking after siblings, cleaning up, or mowing the lawns, which my daughter loves to do. And Lillie loves bathing Lucy.”

“It’s like, if you’re awake you’re learning.”

Even Justin’s passion, rock-climbing, something he’s loved since high school, is an opportunity to teach his children about the world. “I love the mountains, and it’s my dream to share that with the kids.”

By its very nature, in any family with four children or more, there’s a lot going on, and one can imagine there’s not a lot of quiet time for parents or children, but time out is essential.

It’s a co-operation, says Justin. “We’ve learned don’t sweat the small stuff. Sometimes we do, and that’s an indication you need to take some time out. We can read each other like a book, and I appreciate Leeann’s ability to be my coach. When I, perhaps, can’t see it, she’ll tell me I need to take some time out.”
“We coach each other.”

So into the mix of busy mum, dad, and three active children, comes Lucy. As well as another learning opportunity Lucy, says Justin, “is the glue.
“She’s consolidated the children. It’s been great to see Tegan’s (14) natural characteristics come out; and to see my son hold his little sister, feed her, and look after her… displaying the ability to be a man. Lillie was so inquisitive.

“For Leeann that’s everything.”

In the 21st Century every family is busy. Like most, Justin and Leeann are making life with four children work for them. Are there plans for any more children?
“We’re taking Bear in to get fixed,” Justin laughs. “We might ask about a two-for-one deal.”

“There are no plans for more children at the moment,” he says. “But we did buy an eight seater car, so, who knows.”

Next: New Look on Gender Roles

In a media statement clarifying their position on media reports about All Black Piri Weepu bottlefeeding his baby, the College of Midwives (NZCOM) says they support whatever works for the family – including fathers bottlefeeding their baby:
“Some members of the public [were] left with the perception that health professionals are unsupportive of dad’s bottle feeding their babies. Of course midwives and other health professionals support all families, whatever their circumstances, to do their best for their babies, including sharing the feeding times when breastfeeding is not possible.” says NZCOM CEO Karen Guilliland.
The media statement applauds fathers’ support for mother and family.

Make a real difference in the community by working for Father & Child. We’re looking for a well-organised all-rounder in Christchurch to fill this position, which coordinates our local activities. For full details see here

Father & Child Auckland has received funding from the Manurewa Community Board (Manukau City Council) towards a series of 3 seminars on what it means to be a father. These seminars will be held later in 2010.

Details will be announced shortly but if you are interested or know anyone who might be send us an email to auckland@fatherandchild.org.nz, phone us on 09 525 1690 or send us a letter to Father & Child Trust, PO Box 11931 Ellerslie, Auckland.

Father’s Mauri Ora Circle

Looking for support from other fathers?

Looking to lend your support to other fathers?

Just want somewhere where you can grow in confidence in your role as a father?

Maybe you are looking for a male only environment where you can talk with other fathers?

Then our Mauri Ora Father’s Circle may be just what you are looking for.

Meeting every Wednesday evening from 7:00 – 9:00 pm in the Community Office 3 at the Onehunga Community Centre , 83 Church Street, (next to the library) the Fathers’ Mauri Ora Circle, embodying the principles of emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual wellbeing, is a safe place where together we can discuss any fathering issues and collectively strengthen our fathering abilities.

Wednesday evenings – 7-9pm downstairs in Community Office 3 at the Onehunga Community Centre.

Facilitated by our Support Worker, Brendon Smith, what is discussed is determined by those who are there. Recently we’ve talked about topics like

• the need to inform children as soon as possible in the event of a separation
• deciding on the best school for your child
• the role our dads play in modelling how we father our children
• what happens when your ex partner wants to move to another town with your child
• children and sport

to name just a few.

Children are welcome, though we may leave them in front of a TV with a tin of biscuits!

You are welcome to “just turn up” any Wednesday or if you would like more information feel free to call Brendon on 525 1690 or 021 892 980 or email him at auckland@fatherandchild.org.nz

The funding support of the Maungakiekie and Tamaki Community Boards (Auckland City Council) is gratefully acknowledged.

Recent discussion topics

Inland Revenue is inviting submissions on a proposal by United Future on how to administer a potential Income Splitting system. Income Splitting means that a couple (only parents under the proposal) is treated as a tax unit rather than two individuals, and each parent is taxed on half of their combined income. (more…)

Families Commission research released today Heart and Head, showed that 60% of fathers think the media portrayed them in a poor light, and half thought that society overall does not recognise their importance.
(more…)

New Zealand has internationally high rates of children attending childcare or pre-school education facilities. According to a new UNICEF report card from the Innocenti Research Centre 32% of 0-3 year old New Zealand children are enrolled in childcare, compared to an OECD average of 24%. (more…)

Employers have to grant a request for flexible working hours by an employee with dependent children under a new law passed in November.
Employers can only refuse this request under certain circumstances, including:
Re-organising the work around other staff, or recruiting new staff, is not possible
Extra costs are too high, or restructuring is in progress
Customer demand cannot be met any other way.
The request would impact negatively on performance.
The request also cannot undermine any collective employment agreement in force at the workplace.
The law is expected to benefit mainly fathers whose caregiving roles are less acknowledged by employers than mothers.
In disputes the matter will be referred to a Labour Inspector first rather than the Courts. Employers are liable for compensation towards the employee of $2,000 in the case of non-compliance.
Law sponsor, Green MP Sue Kedgley, believes the law will change ‘work place culture’. The National Party was opposed to it on the grounds that employers already offer flexi-time voluntarily.
The Council of Trade Unions believes the law should be extended to all employees, not just those caring for dependants, partly to avoid discrimination by employers against parents.