Fatherhood / Relationship Module For Ante-Natal Classes
The goals for this module are:
- To encourage understanding among mothers and fathers for each other’s situation and contribution.
- To raise parent’s awareness of the father’s importance in his children’s lives
- To raise awareness for outside factors that affect a couple’s role division and freedom of choice.
Also:
- Factual information about the importance of fathers.
- Information about where support for the father is available.
- Information about paternity/extended parental leave.
- Tips on bonding for fathers.
Issues List For Fathers:
- The provider image.
- Work/family challenge.
- Equal say in parenting matters; what is a fair division of responsibilities?
- Lack of opportunities to network with other dads and their children.
- “Gate-keeping” by mum.
- Being expected to be strong and in control by mum.
- Breastfeeding and feeling left out.
- Resentment to loss of freedom.
Issues List for Mothers:
- Periodical loss of her income. How does it feel for her, for him?
- Juggling two people’s emotional needs and my own.
- What do I want from the father of my child? What do I think he wants from me?
- What is a fair division of responsibilities?
- Who makes decisions about discipline, bedtime, playtime, where to sleep etc?
- Breastfeeding and partner support.
- Resentment about loss of freedom
Facilitators
Ideally this session should be gender co-facilitated, but facilitation entirely by men is also an option. All-female facilitation is an option, if other parts of the ante-natal programme are facilitated by men. The gender of the facilitator is not an issue of different skills or acceptance by parents, but men need to feel part of the process rather than just the subjects of it. This is harder to achieve, if the programme is facilitated by females throughout. If there are two facilitators of different gender, they should have roughly the same level of professionalism.
If the female is a midwife or nurse, the male should be a counsellor or representative from a fathers’ or men’s group with proven facilitation skills. But it is also possible to have the session facilitated by parents themselves, perhaps even a couple. They can relate personal experiences, which brings the issue closer to the participants. Both should be involved parents with plenty of hands-on experience and a high level of sharing of the babycare.
Structure of Session:
1 Some Facts About the Importance of Fathers – 5 mins
Fathers may suspect that this session is really about teaching “clumsy” and “emotionally retarded” fathers the right ways of handling a baby and looking after your partner, rather than a celebration of fatherhood and an affirmation of their role. Opening the session with some impressive facts will get their attention and make them see why the session is important. You can use the material in the hard copy of this resource as an overhead or handout, or a recent news clipping you may have found.
2 Splitting the group in men and women – 30 – 40 mins
Make sure groups are really separated and both women and men have a sense of confidentiality. Make a list with two columns for each group: “Mother’s Role” and “Father’s Role”. Cue them with items from the issues list (see above), and stereotypes such as “father as protector”, “disciplinarian” (“Wait till your father comes home”) or “playmate”. Ask them about their own parents. If a group is slow to start talking, despite “icebreakers”, let each participant make such a list individually. Then draw up a list for the whole group with contributions from the individual lists.
3 Rejoining the two groups – joint discussion – 10 -20 mins
Pin up the lists in a place where all particpants can see them. Usually a lively discussion will ensue about differences in the lists that needs little facilitation. Remember not to blame or take sides. Place special emphasis on fostering understanding for each other’s role and needs, and on decision-making on parenting matters. See here for likely results. The session could end here if you are short on time, otherwise it is a good time for a break.
4 Reality of Parenting in the Early Days – 20 -30 mins
Use the cartoon below or similar material to point out a “typical” situation parents may find themselves in, and work out a better solution to the situation depicted. Talk about the likely difference in bonding of the baby to mum and dad and how this will probably emotionally affect either. The sheets in the hard copy version can be used as a handout or overhead, but you may want to gather fathers’ and mothers’ own ideas about father-child bonding first. Remember that no model of role sharing is “right” or “wrong”, but both parents should be in accordance over which model they actually want to operate. For sessions that run over two full hours, teaching communication skills would be a natural extension to this programme.
5 Warmdown – 5 mins
Finish the session on a positive note, for example by asking everyone to tell one good thing about having a baby. Give out information on paternity/parental leave (if you haven’t already) and info on local support for dads.
