Family-Friendly Ante-Natal Classes

A Male Face

Just like Maori or other ethnic minorities are more likely to use a service when there are staff of their own colour and race, men are more likely to be involved when they see male faces fronting the classes. They are more likely to talk about their concerns openly and honestly to a man than to a female professional.

Fatherhood Profile

Modern society lacks a clearly defined role for fathers. But fathers are as essential to a child’s upbringing as mothers are. Both fathers and mothers need to be sure and secure about each others contributions to be able to work together as a team, even if they do not live together. Factual information about the father’s importance needs to be included in ante-natal classes as much as information about breastfeeding or possible health problems of the baby.

Working Out Each Other’s Roles

There are no rights or wrongs in how a mother and a father work out the division of roles. Antenatal class providers therefore must be careful to not suggest one model as superior over another. Unemployed fathers are known to stay away from parenting classes of any kind, because fathers tend to be mentioned only in their function of earners of money.

Group facilitators should be particularly aware of men who do not fit the stereotypical role, as they tend to have low self-esteem because of their failure to be “proper” fathers. There are often differences between women’s and men’s perceptions of each others roles. These will provide plenty of material to talk about. Always keep in mind that there are no rights or wrongs, and that there does not need to be consensus in the group about the respective roles. Research is quite conclusive that it is the nurturing aspect of a father that makes all the difference.

Researchers have tried to establish differences in parenting patterns, especially discipline and more physical play, but there are wide variations in these behaviours and they could not conclusively be shown to make a difference for the essential parameters of healthy child development. The goal of the course has been met if parents are aware of the issues that may arise, they do not need to find instant solutions.

Being aware of each other’s importance and roles is a key in alleviating the dangers to the relationship that arise from the role change. A father who feels secure in his role as a parent with a direct relationship to the child (not an indirect one through the mother) is more likely to stay involved and to keep his focus on family matters. Like the mother, his reward will be paid in emotional currency, which will make him rely less on reward through money.

He needs to be supported by the mother, since no other support networks are available to men. Sometimes this can be a problem: surveys in the UK and the US have shown that a majority of mothers does not want more involvement by their partners. Jealousy can be an issue, if the father’s involvement translates into more affection from the child.

• DO encourage parents to talk about their respective roles but DO NOT give advice on “right” and “wrong” roles.
• DO look for a father or male professional to facilitate the classes with a midwife.
• DO provide a situation for the men where they can talk about issues that affect them by themselves.
• DO respect both fathers and mothers as becoming parents each in their own right.
• DO make yourself available for one-on-one appointments with dads.
• DO look out especially for men who do not/cannot fulfil the traditional provider role. They may need extra attention.