The Pregnant Father

 

For a father, the pregnancy of his partner (or ex-partner) is probably a time of emotional upheaval, expectations, a bit of fear of the unknown. While he does not carry the baby in his womb, and cannot feel its kicks, he does nevertheless become a parent just like the mother, and faces a major role transition. Birthing service providers should have a concept of the “pregnant father”, and an idea of how to help him give birth to his own fatherhood. They should not limit themselves to seeing the father as a support person for the mother, but regard him as another person who becomes a parent.

Some issues are similar for “pregnant” fathers as for pregnant women. Many women start to feel closer to their own mothers during pregnancy, and likewise many men feel closer to their own fathers. Both women and men share an anxiety about their capabilities as new parents. Either or both may feel resentment towards a loss of freedom. And either or both may have been waiting for this pregnancy a long time.

Other issues are different. Men lose their freedom in a different way than women on becoming a parent. Normally they are expected to take over financial responsibility for the family with no emotional reward. They are expected to be strong when the mother is weak, to support without being supported. Their love for their children is believed to not match the mother’s and they are considered to be less capable when handling babies.

A family-inclusive approach requires a concept of the “pregnant father”. Ask men what they feel, what they would like to discuss in ante-natal classes. Ask especially those fathers expecting a subsequent child , as they know the traps and pitfalls. Fathers need to feel part of the birthing process, not just a tolerated add-on.

Father-Friendly Rooms: How to make fathers feel welcome

Posters/Pictures:

Try to create a balance between depictions of motherly and fatherly love and involvement. When you display photographs of new parents, make sure there are some with just dad and baby among them. Posters are available from the Father&Child Trust (Christchurch) (ph (03) 372 9140)

Names:

You have rooms for “parent” education and you run “parent” groups or coffee mornings. If you run “new mum” groups then that’s what you get.

Resources:

Make sure you have a range of family-inclusive and/or specific father-focussed resources at hand.

Colours:

Neutral colours you could use are white, yellow or light greens. You could also use a mix of “female” (red, orange, purple etc.) and “male” (blue, strong greens, brown) colours to decorate your room.