Fathers, Families and the Future
By Paul Callister
In the background notes to the forum it was stated “the demands of work and the changing perceptions of masculinity and fathering have had a profound effect on family life and the raising of the next generation of New Zealanders.
By focussing on the issues facing fathers and families in the latter half of this decade, this forum hopes that the debate on how to improve the development of children will be advanced through improved fathering and the development of positive role models through effective mentoring”.
It was stressed an number of times throughout the forum that a goal was to improve the quality of fathering in New Zealand.
This forum was quite different to the Christchurch gathering. Firstly, there were only about 150 people attending, which was a little disappointing. Women comprised about fifteen to twenty percent of the audience. Despite being in Auckland there appeared to very few Maori or Pacific Island people.
It also seemed that most of those attending were there out of an interest in how to improve their own lives and those of their children rather than as representatives of social agencies, churches or policy making groups.
In fact, many people came to discuss their own personal experiences, but the main forum was not the ideal place for this to occur, and it is not clear that the workshops provided an adequate outlet for this either.
There was clearly a demand for opportunities for fathers to discuss problems they are facing, whether it be custody disputes, how to deal with stroppy teenagers or, in the situations of sole mothers, how to bring positive male role models into the lives of their children.
Roger McClay, Commissioner for Children, presented the opening address. While providing some support for the “fathers movement” he also focussed heavily on men who abused women and children and also how most men spent little time with their children. Both these images were challenged throughout the day.
The two keynote speeches which I enjoyed the most were those by Warwick Pudney and Rex McCann.
Warwick Pudney, the author of “Beginning Fathering” and manager of Man Alive, and men’s counselling and well-being centre, gave a thoughtful and interesting talk about fathers in the early months.
As part of this he noted how many midwives form a strong bond with the mother but in the process can exclude the father.
Rex McCann, who has been involved in men’s groups since the early 1980s, abandoned his notes and gave a very personal and down to earth talk. Following two research based addresses he brought the issues back to peoples everyday lives.
Other keynote speakers were Sarah Hillcoat-Nalletamby, who delivered an address based on Ian Pool’s speech to the Christchurch forum and my own address on “Pigs, heroes or wimps?, which was also heavily based on my Christchurch talk.
There were an number of workshops in the afternoon. These were Fathers and the Law, Father Friendly Workplaces, Mentoring, Fathers and Sport, Perceptions of Fathering, and Creative Ideas for Fathers.
I attended the father friendly workshop which went all afternoon. The law forum seemed to attract the most interest.
However, I felt that a wider offering of workshops was needed, including topics such as single dads, or men as primary caregivers to cater for the many situations being faced by fathers. In addition, as with the Christchurch forum, I felt there was too much emphasis on keynote speeches, and not enough on the workshops.
However, despite these minor criticisms, overall, the forum was well organised and much credit needs to go to Doug Stevens of Manukau Institute of Technology for this.
