Take The Pressure Down
As the pace of life quickens, children are under more and more pressure to keep up. Hugh Joughin challenges some current trends.
The Parents Cetnre winter newsletter has an entry under their “Focus Nights” section. The title reads “Child Development for the ‘Over Ones’”.
It then poses the question “Did you know that preparation for school starts from the age of one?”
Most parents would have some understanding of programmes like Gymbaroo or Baby Einstein. Such programmes are intended to give children some kind of mental or physical head start in life.
Often the underlying message is “act now, before the opportunity to enhance your child’s brain development is lost forever”. ’Windows of opportunity’ may mean your child’s language development may suffer if it is not properly encouraged before their first birthday!
When children turn five, it’s not uncommon for them to be thrust into hours of after school activities. From ballet and brownies to woodwork and watersports. All at an age where just keeping up with school is a massive achievement in itself.
In March of this year, an article ran in the national newspapers about stress in parents being passed onto their children. Parenting guru Steve Biddulph extolled the virtues of more family time at the expense of increased work hours.
A less materialistic attitude to life would decrease the need to work long hours he said, thus enabling more quality and quantity time with family. This would in turn decrease the child’s stress levels and accordingly reduce behavioural problems. That’s the basic theory anyway.
There’s also hard medical evidence that cortisol levels (a hormone released in response to stress) increase markedly in children who are frequently placed in childcare, whether it’s the local creche or the convenient “at home” baby sitter; television. It all contributes to sensory deprivation according to Biddulph.
We are not spending that time experiencing nature, being around animals, or just wandering and playing in the great outdoors. For kids, officially organised, highly structured activities (fully O.S.H. compliant of course) have replaced “free and easy” play time. Lack of “freedom of movement” is arguably having a detrimental affect on our children’s mental heatlh.
Safety
Another factor robbing our kids of important childhood experiences, is the current climate of parental paranoia. The latest copy of “Tots to Teens” (a free Christchurch parenting magazine) has a lead article entitled “Overprotecting the Girl Child”.
It boldly claims that “our living environment is far more dangerous than it ever was before”.
Attitudes like this inevitably lead to constraints placed on children (that don’t favour natural exploration), as parents worry about their offsprings’ every waking moment and movement.. This article should be, in the words of Steve Biddulph, “pulped and recycled to save some of the world’s trees”.
With this fear, comes concerns over child safety. These concerns have reached somewhat epedemic proportions, as parents start entering litigation when their children hurt themselves on the local playground. It all contributes to what Furedi refers to as “society’s exaggerated perception of children’s vulnerability”, as parents stifle their children’s “internal resources, coping skills, and resilience” (see box below).
New Zealand’s own Ministry of Consumer Affairs has no less than fifteen different publication focusing on childrens’ safety. From bike and toy safety, to pointers on how to “jump, swing and play safely”, it’s all covered.
The recently released Social Report 2005, published by the Ministry of Social Development, has found that social wellbeing has improved over the past ten years. One of the key findings is that New Zealanders continue to be better off financially, are healthier, and better educated.
According to the report, we are generally better off now than we were. However, the report also examines the whole concept of safety in society, or more specifically “perceptions of safety”.
“Feeling unsafe harms quality of life by producing anxiety and reducing people’s options in life. However, there is some evidence fear is often not linked to the actual risk of becoming a (crime) victim-for example, people may feel unsafe and have their quality of life reduced even when the actual likelihood of their being victimised is relatively small”.
There have always been dangers for kids, but there’s a perception that life has more hazards today. As parents we need to separate fact from fiction, for the sake of our children’s childhood. We have the ability to give back to our kids the carefree, stress-free childhood that they are entitled to.
Safety gone crazy?? The Ministry of Consumer Affairs have the following safety resources available online:
-Baby Walkers
-Bib Safety
-Bike Safety
-Children’s Nightwear
-Cigarette Lighters
-Jump, Swing and play safely
-Ladder Safety
-Portable Cots and Play-yards
-Prams and Strollers
-Product Safety
-Rubber Hot Water Bottles
-Safety tips for ring pull cans
-Toughened Glass
-Toy Safety
-Wheat Bags
Simple ways that parents can ease the pressure on their kids:
1. Improve your driving habits. Families can spend a lot of time in cars. Buck the current “road rage” trend, and take it easy when driving. Be courteous to other drivers, take your time, and enjoy the trip. Allow other drivers to make mistakes. Your kids will be more calm, when you are more calm behind the wheel.
2. Create quiet at home. Have a couple of appliance free days each week (T.V. stereos, mobile phones). The aim is to reduce noise & stress.
3. Try to arrange walking days to or from school, kindy etc. Leave early enough to be able to take your time.
4. Have “nothing planned” days, especially during the weekend.
5. Foster independence in little ones, so that they can help around the home, and do things themselves. Try to give them more freedom than you might be comfortable with, and let them make their own mistakes.
6. Visit the library regularly. It’s free and kids love it. Replace “things” with books as much as possible.
7. Sleep. Give your kids access to as much sleep as possible.
8. Extended family. Keep in regular contact with grandparents, cousins, etc, if only for your children’s sake. It really does add to their sense of belongingness and wellbeing.
A good, common sense website to visit is safekids.org.nz. Particularly useful, is the section on getting stroppy kids into carseats!
Next: Child Labour In Godzone?
