Remembering the First Time

Ashley Gore remembers the birth of his first child, his hopes and insecurities, and his wishes for the future.

I had never really thought about, or prepared myself for fatherhood. But I did know that I wanted to become a father some time in life. Having had no siblings and no interaction with either relatives or neighbour’s children, the concept of babies was very unknown. Moreover, babies were a very “girlie” thing and so the whole business was a very grey area.

I had no idea of how to carry the precious bundles, or of cooing, cuddling and playing peek-a-boo with them!

The years slipped by. I got married to Malica and then came the time when we wanted to have a baby. Thus began an exciting chapter in our lives. We will never forget the first ultrasound – seeing our little one move.

We couldn’t wait for the baby to be born.

I was not prepared for the advice that poured in after we had announced the good news. “Don’t eat this’, ‘Drink lots of milk if you want a fair baby’, ‘Stay away from your husband to have a safe pregnancy’.

Along with my wife, I learned the different stages of pregnancy, the three stages of labour (how fast to drive to the hospital after the pains start), breast feeding and post natal care.

After months of agonised waiting, listening and watching the baby move, the Big Day arrived. Since I had attended the recommended pre-natal preparation, I was allowed into the delivery room. Helplessly, I watched my wife go through the labour pains.

With the first big push, I could see my baby’s hair. Second push and the head was out then with the third push, the baby came sliding out. The doctor’s words still ring loud and clear in my ears:

“Congratulations! You have a baby girl”.

I just kept staring at the little stranger who was already trying to establish herself as our top priority.
I was sent out to wait while the doctor completed the post delivery procedures. The baby had to be cleaned, they said. Malica was wheeled out of the delivery room.

But the baby was nowhere in sight.

So I went in to look for her. There she was all wrapped up in a clean white dress, and a nurse was combing her hair. I suddenly had this overpowering urge to carry her, to protect her. The nurse handed her to me. I tucked her in the crook of my arm and walked out a very proud man.

The years once again slipped by – quietly, happily. It was time for our second baby to make it’s presence felt. I must admit, we had turned pro with babies. Our second baby is a boy. Everything about him is different. Being informed about breast feeding, weaning onto natural foods and so on, the delivery was relatively easy.

Being with Malica during the births of our children has been a very profound experience for me. Parenting is dynamic and experimental. There is no fixed formula. My skills as a parent have been honed considerably, but I still have miles to go.

I only hope that I can always be attuned to my children’s ever changing requirements. I want to be a good Dad.

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