Whats In A Name?

Naming your baby is one decision that (usually) lasts for life—no wonder that some parents look back and think “was that the right choice”? Hugh Joughin investigates and thinks it’s another issue people don’t talk about.

Boy or girl. If we don’t already, it’s the first thing we want to know when the baby is born. Next vital baby detail is the name, which is often fraught with human indecision.

Usually a lot of parental research goes into the baby naming task (particularly for the first child), but that doesn’t necessarily account for much when the big day arrives. I’ve known quite a few babies that remain nameless for up to a couple of weeks, and it’s quite amazing how much stress and pressure can build from extended family members during this time.

More often that not however, the name is decided upon well beforehand. Once named, that’s it, for ever and ever amen. Whether the infant likes the name or not, he or she is branded for life. Okay, so there’s deed-poll, but generally the birth name is forever there somewhere. Nicknames are also an option for those wanting alternatives (this is particularly popular with sportspeople it seems). Sometimes a second or third choice name is used (for the really well prepared), when the baby comes out “not looking like a Blair”.

It’s a high pressured task naming kids, as there are potential problems galore. Do the initials spell something terrible? What about when it is shortened, or lengthened? I’ve even heard a theory that you should always stand on the back verandah and scream the chosen name 10 times before making any final decisions. Also, does that name remind us of someone in our dim, dark, murky past (“I love the name, but it reminds me of that guy at school who was such a ####”).

Speaking of school, when I was there popular Christian names included Gary, Murray, Alan, and Trevor for the boys, and Sharon, Susan, Amanda and Shelley for the girls. How often do you see those names in the “new faces” baby page of the local newspaper now? A current trend seems to be using what I always considered to be surnames, as the child’s first name. Accordingly, there are a lot of Harrison’s, Connor’s, Blake’s, Findlay’s, Cameron’s, Mackenzie’s, Tyler’s and Taylor’s around. Personally, I’m fairly lukewarm about this one, but maybe that’s because I’ve got a weird surname. Heaven help the poor sod who cops my last name as their first name. Popular names come and go, but I’m super confident that will never happen with my surname. “J” names also seem to be popular for boys at the moment too (yet another problem with a surname like mine). Hence names like Jayden, Joshua, Jake, Jack, and Jacob are well represented on the kindy roll at the moment.

It’s funny to study the name trends over the years. The three most popular baby names in the U.S.A. remained basically unchanged for a full 60 years! From 1900-1959, just four names featured in the top three, John, William, James, and Robert. From 1900-1949 just 6 names for the girls, Mary, Helen, Anna, Margaret, Dorothy, and Betty. Only from World War Two, did names start to get a bit more adventurous. It’s difficult to get New Zealand figures, but I suspect it has been the same situation here.

So with all this in mind, I approached the general public of Christchurch once again to ask a few very simple questions. Always a very interesting (and nerve-wracking) exercise, this one. You get the hard data which points in one direction, and then there’s the “hidden” messages underneath. It’s that unspoken stuff that interests me most.

I wanted to know if fathers out there were satisfied with the names that they gave their kids. In fact, did they get any input at all (see box at right)? O.K. so the findings aren’t exactly going to get the television networks queuing up, but the figures only told part of the story. While all but 3 guys said “no” to the question if they would name their children differently if they could do it all over again, less than half of them (8) said so unhesitatingly. The remainder (9) paused quite noticeably before answering with no.

Hugh Pops the Question

If you’re doing some shopping in your local mall andare approached by an interviewer who wants to talk about your private life, give him a friendly hello—it might be Hugh. For this article he ended up with 20 subjects (“a fairly even combination of people I knew, people I didn’t know but came across in my everyday business, total strangers found on the streets, and willing shopkeepers”).only criteria for interviewees, was that they had to be male, and that they had to have at least two children. After determining the names of the children and the age of the father, Hugh asked to “quickly and spontaneously respond” to the following questions:

“If you could, and given the time over again, would you change any of your children’s names? (Yes/No/Maybe)” and

“How much input do you feel you had into the naming of your children?” (Options: (1) None at all (2) A little bit (3) Even amount (4) Most (5) Total)

By far the most men said they would not name their children any different (see graph below), but slightly more than half had to think about it before giving an answer(bottom graph).Graph2
And, get this, every guy who paused ended up having quite a story to tell. Some of these stories even got quite emotional! One man confronted me with “why the hell would I change the names of any of my children”? He thought the whole survey exercise was ridiculous, and certainly let me know about it. I had obviously struck a nerve somewhere, which led me to believe that he had indeed thought quite often about the names he and his partner had chosen for their offspring, or at least had given plenty of thought to his role in the whole thing. It was like these men really wanted to say “yes”, but some voice inside their head didn’t allow it. Conversely, those who answered with a definite “no”, had nothing else to say on the matter.

Neither was there anything startling about the answers when I asked the men how much input they had had in naming their child, on the surface anyway. Once again the men opted for the safe option, but pressed a bit further (like asking if they think they have had equal input for all their children) there were sighs and quite often stories of anguish. Often the actual process of choosing a name was quite long and painful. Partners came to an understanding eventually, but not without some bad blood along the way. Another theme that emerged among the “talkers”, was that the woman often had all the name ideas, and the men just happened to agree or go along with any decisions. This in my view was a rather passive response, and didn’t really qualify as a “3” answer to the “input” question (see box). Another strong theme to emerge was a kind of gender split. Dad names the boys and Mum names the girls. Hmmm. Not quite what I had in mind when coming to mutual agreements between two grown parents.

As the saying goes, the truth is out there… somewhere.

Conclusions? Dads played it safe with the questions, I have no doubt about that. But once the questions were negotiated, the real voices started to emerge. Most men had more interest when it came to naming their sons. With daughters, the mother tended to come up with the ideas, and they either agreed or disagreed.

Half of the interviewees were very willing to talk quite candidly about the whole thing. These men basically felt that they had had a fair go, but might have done it all differently given the time over again. Many men were able to laugh about the whole naming process looking back at it, but things didn’t sound quite so cozy around the time of the birth.

So choose carefully Dad. As they grow up, your kids will doubtless think that a lot of your decisions involving them will suck big time. A bit of spadework before birth will greatly minimize the chance that the name you choose for them will be one of those things. Heaven forbid, they may even thank you for it one day!

Next: Meet Proud Father Daniel