Same Old Story Between The Sheets?
By Dr Mark Mywords
New Zealanders have a bit of a problem with sharing tips on bedroom activities. Sex positions are hidden away in Men’s Health books and magazines, so we can pretend it’s about weight training not copulation.
If you’ve ever been to a bookshop in continental Europe you’ll know they have no such problems over there.
Here, people can kill each other on the screen by the dozens and our censors have no major problem with it, but dare show a bare breast in a movie and get hit by the R18 rating.
New Zealand has also been fairly sheltered from the wild swings in public attitudes to sex. In the Woodstock 60’s everything was allowed with anyone anywhere, until that fizzled out and feminists started telling us that sex is really just the extended rod of male exploitation of women, in a manner of speaking.
So the Americans especially have refined the art of showing sex on screen without showing it.
Erotic as many movies nowadays may be, as far as sex is concerned in them it’s always between a guy and a gal that just met; their first time with each other, perhaps.
For those of us, who have stuck (more or less) with the same woman for a decade or two, such novelty is gone and doesn’t add much to our recipe book of bedroom fun.
Now, us guys, we have a short attention span and we like a bit of a challenge, and we like things new. After a thousand times, the same old rumble under the sheets can’t compete with the All Blacks vs South Africa on telly.
Sex with our partners has slippled a few notches down in the rankings of Serious Fun Things.
So where do we get that kind of information, without having to go into the R18 section of our local video joint and presenting the latest in the “Horny College Girls” series red-faced to the friendly check-out girl?
The first step is admitting that perhaps getting a little extra stimulation will add to your quality of life. You might be opening a can of worms. Break the news to your beloved that you’d like something a little more kinky and she might think ‘am I not good enough for him anymore as I am?’ We’ve been told that women want to be acknowledged as people, not objects.
Then again, if you think back to the early days of your relationship, sex was probably a lot ‘wilder’ then – and you were both driving each other to new heights of insanity. You didn’t need books then, did you; neither did either of you mind being a sex object.
But wouldn’t that be a terrible testimony to your relationship if you had to refer to what other people wrote or filmed? Whatever happened to spontaneity?
Spontaneity went out the window when the children came, and never came back. Neither do you have to feel guilty that after hundreds or thousands of intimate encounters even the feel of her naked body is not necessarily enough to trigger the desired response in you.
Us guys are naturally playful, and we get bored with something that’s always the same. Chances are your partner does too. So, grab what’s out there.
It’s all about having a good time as a couple. Just as you wouldn’t go to the same movie over and over, there’s no reason to have the same plot in bed over and over.
You want to start your foreplay before you go to bed, for a change, and then simply stay where you are; or suggest you move onto that soft sheepskin before the lounge heater. When you’re both aroused, that’s the time to make suggestions for some new positions or places (but not to get that book with the erotic positions out.
You want to study that before, perhaps to get aroused in the first place.). Think of it as a hobby that you share. You will still have your “quality time” together afterwards in that wonderful and uncomparable state of relaxation.
A good sex life provides a strong glue for a relationship and it may be just the thing to help you ride out other problems.
But where is the line between sexual playfulness and perversion? Well, as long as it’s between you and her and you’re having fun, anything goes and noone needs to know about it.