Dan Brown, a young father being supported by the Father & Child Trust, was interviewed on TV3 about the new “In Your Hands” DVD produced by Great Fathers.

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The Auckland Father & Child Trust has been granted $5,000 for a short-term project involving teen dads after having been approached by the Ministry of Youth Development. Youth Development minister Paula Bennett and local MP Peseta Sam Lotu-liga have both issued media statements about the funds (Paula Bennett here; Lotu-liga here).
Father & Child understands that the funds are part of unspent monies from the 2009 budget rather than ‘new’ funding. The money going to Father & Child appears to be the only funds from this pool tagged for teenage fathers, but some organisations working with teenage mothers in other parts of the country have also benefited.
Teenage parents have been getting a big funding boost in the 2010 budget, with government more than doubling the number of directly funded case-work positions to 19 nationwide, and special funds set aside for teen dad projects.

Comment: Where Would We Be?

For our end of year function, at Father and Child Auckland, we hosted a barbeque.

This meant buying a few sausages and steaks, salad vegetables and bread.

Luckily Charlie and Harry turned up early, so they got to make the salads, plus it was handy that Linda, honorary benefactor, shouted a big bag of hot chips, our burner was a bit slow!

This made me realise how grateful we are to all the fathers and many other supporters who helped us in 2008.

It was a funny old year, a bit like the ’70’s oil crisis, or the ’87 crash, only worse? Like the end of the eighties, when government fiscal values seemed to switch from ‘controlled equality’ to ‘each for themselves’ then people only looked out for their own family. Our first real estate boom started, we rushed to the cities and all became a bit more isolated.

Naturally, one of the first things to suffer was community volunteering and soon after, a slow, drop off in community spirit. Cities like Christchurch seem to maintain a good level, certainly at Father and Child Trust, as many smaller farming towns still probably co-exist, by mucking in at times.

So luckily also for us, we are finding keen Auckland Dads who care enough to make time, to help others. We appreciate them helping at shows, contributing to our magazines, attending events, sharing their expertise and working behind the scenes.

We are not the only group attracting volunteers, but we are grateful, as for our funding. We see other support groups, plus I know about all the sports coaching and managing, cultural groups, dance and activities that totally rely on volunteers.

Whether motivated by their own hard times, witnessing someone else’s experience or to fulfil their generous spirit, the passion and energy that these volunteers generate, hopefully makes it worth all their whiles.

Without these gaps and cogs being filled and greased, how would our community gears keep turning?

Next: Parenting: Attention Span

Father And Son Reunion

Coming home one day to find his wife and son gone without as much as a good-bye note, Ken O’Connell followed a long hard road to bring his son home—with a little help from Father & Child. Jonathan Young reports.

Two years of struggle, confusion, frustration and growth, have finally culminated in Malcolm O’Connell returning to live with his father, Ken.

Ken (now aged 47) was a self-confessed ‘basket case’ when his former wife left the family home , without warning, and took their son.

He went from being Malcolm’s primary caregiver, to having absolutely no contact with his son, and for several weeks didn’t even know where Malcolm was, or if he was okay.

After an initial period of disbelief, Ken accepted that his marriage was over, but was still desperate to continue his relationship with Malcolm. But because of a Court Order (which was later overturned) he could not have direct or indirect contact with his son initially. “I couldn’t even look for him. I felt like my whole world had fallen apart”.

Ken didn’t know where to turn, so he spoke to a friend who worked at the Salvation Army, where Ken had been a volunteer in the past.

They directed him to the Father & Child Trust.

Ken took every parenting course he could find, and worked hard to make sure he followed everything the Court wanted him to do.

“It made me more aware of the changes I did need to make to become a better parent. Although I thought I was a good parent, it made me aware of other things I could do to improve.”

Ken is a truck driver, and Malcolm used to spend much of his time ‘helping’ dad in the truck. Unlike some fathers, Ken was lucky enough to have an employer who was empathetic to his situation.

Lawyers visits and other appointments took up a lot of time and he was able to make his work schedule flexible to accommodate these.

Ken received constant support from his own parents. They were involved with emotional support for Ken, but also for Malcolm.

They encouraged him every step of the way, and without their support, Ken says he would have given up more than once.

“It’s been hard on them too. They used to spend a lot of time with Malcolm, and look after him when me and his mother were working. So Malcolm was missing out on his grandparents too”.

Ken felt that Malcolm’s strong attachment to his grandparents was a major factor in the judge’s final decision.
Because his wife had taken Malcolm to Auckland, the Family Court case was heard there, not in Christchurch where they used to live.

This further complicated matters for Ken, as it meant finding money for airfares for both himself and his mother to attend court hearings, as well as additional time off work. It also meant having an Auckland-based lawyer, so most of their contact was through telephone and emails.

Ken cannot speak highly enough of his lawyer’s, Claudia Elliot, advice, experience and manner.

It was several months before Malcolm had his first visit back to Christchurch. Until then Ken had only had spasmodical telephone contact, which sometimes upset Ken as he worried about Malcolm if the phone call
didn’t occur as scheduled.

Although Ken had paid for the airfares and waited at the airport, Malcolm was not on the plane. Outwards appearances might paint Ken as a ‘kiwi bloke’ and a bit ‘rough around the edges’.

However, he was visibly upset when Malcolm did not arrive.

Initially, the visits were ‘supervised’ by Ken’s parents. “They were good visits, but they were restricted by the supervision”.

When Malcolm did visit, Ken was very careful not to talk about the Family Court proceedings in front of his son. He often found it hard to relax, as he was worried that if anything went wrong during the visit, he wouldn’t be able to see Malcolm again.

Ken’s mother would accompany the pair wherever they went, including Ken’s truck where Malcolm was keen to get back to helping his dad at work.

The family worked hard to make sure Malcolm had an awesome holiday, but also not to spoil him too much as they didn’t want to feel they were bribing Malcolm into wanting to live back in Christchurch.

Ken can’t count the number of times that he felt like giving up. He says that sometimes it just felt hopeless, and that at every turn he was expecting to be made to jump through another hoop.

Ken made full use of the Father and Child Trust drop in centre in Christchurch, and the support offered to him by staff and other Trust members. 

“Resources provided to me by the Trust were excellent, including support in Auckland as well as Christchurch. The networks and contacts of Father & Child trust were amazing.”

Ken was able to talk to other men in similar situations, and men who had regained their relationship with their children. When Malcolm would visit, Ken and his mother would often call in for a coffee and a chat.

The love and respect between Ken and Malcolm was obvious to all, and now they are frequent visitors.
After two years of Family Court proceedings it was finally decided that Malcolm would return to live with his father.

Ken had counted the days: “It was 706 days from the time they left, till the day the judge gave him back to me”.

“’Thank you’ didn’t seem like enough. There wasn’t a word I could use to say how happy and grateful I was”.

Ken feels that life is back to normal now. Malcolm is loving being back in Christchurch, and is settling in well to his new school.

Ken knows there is bound to be some bumps along the way, but is looking forward to the joys and challenges of being a single dad.

Next: Family Values In Politics

Christchurch has a father’s playgroup again. Thursdays 10 am at the Father & Child premises, 1/369 Hereford Street. Phone (982 2440) or email Ross at the office for info.

The third ‘focus on fathers’ week in Waitakere is in full swing and will end on Sunday, Father’s Day.

The event was opened on Monday, 31 August, by Mayor Bob Harvey who felt that ‘we have not supported fathers as much as we could have and should have’. ‘Essentially Men’ founder Rex McCann urged dads to introduce their children to other men as well, and Father & Child coordinator Harald Breiding-Buss (image left) spoke about involved fatherhood being just as important for girls as for boys. (more…)

Father & Child Trust is looking for fathers who have day-to-day care of at least one child eight years or under in either Christchurch or Auckland. The Trust is conducting what is believed to be the first study in New Zealand on the circumstances, issues and support of solo fathers and their young children. (more…)

After three weeks of somewhat disrupted service, Christchurch Father & Child Trust have found a new father support worker. Fathers dropping in at the Trust’s Hereford Street premises had found themselves facing closed doors during late March and early April more than we would have liked, as coordinator Harald Breiding-Buss and administrator Janet Albertson struggled under the added workload. (more…)

Christchurch Father & Child support worker Jonathan Young said that he knows of ‘a lot of 15 and 16-year-old parents that are a hell of a lot better than 40-year old parents’ in today’s Press, which features one of Father & Child’s supported teen dads, Jordan Cairns, on the cover. Jordan himself said he had ‘no regrets’ about becoming a dad so young. (more…)

The Lottery Grants Board declined an application by Father & Child Trust and Canterbury University researcher Jeffrey Gage for funding to conduct research on single custodial fathers with small children.
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