Dan Brown, a young father being supported by the Father & Child Trust, was interviewed on TV3 about the new “In Your Hands” DVD produced by Great Fathers.

Daniel Brown TV3 13th July 2010

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Join us for any father related issues or support…
Wednesdays, 7.30pm, Onehunga Community Centre, 83 Church Street, next to the library.

Every Wednesday we welcome all to our Mauri Ora Fathers Circle. We aim to provide a safe place for any fathering issues and strengthen our collective fathering abilities.

We hope to see a few new faces, any local fathering advocates or dads who are keen to contribute to the new Auckland committee. Children are welcome, though we do usually leave them in front of a TV with a tin of biscuits!

The funding support of the Maungakiekie Community Board (Auckland City Council) is gratefully acknowledged.

Recent Topics Discussed

27/11/09

We talked about the need to inform children, as soon as possible in the event of a separation. This may seem hard, because you don’t want to admit it’s the end, of face it, and the children may have a half an idea something’s up, so it pays to ease the tension, see if they have any questions, if it comes as a shock to the children, that’s no good. One of us ensured us that despite his parents splitting up, when he was around 10, his father always talked to him, kept to his word and made heaps of time for his son, plus how children need to know both parents still love them. We suggested that the ‘announcement’ of the separation, should be pre-planned, in a calm time and place, by the parents, including most of what is to be said. The children need to know they have a say if they need, and that the positive, ‘two homes now’ angle can help. Someone said it’s hard when ‘ideals’ or dreams are broken, someone else said you have to break eggs to make omelette. One of us said it pays to be sure you are safe, and that the relationship you have with your children is safe, especially the lines of communication with and about them, even if that means you have to move out or put up with other things. One of us said how he had agonised over his recent leaving, but talked to his daughter carefully, maintains heaps of time, and now has a good arrangement with her and the mother. One of us has just got his same child out of starship, again, now on new medication, but certainly better than last week!
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17/09/09

One of us has changed schools for an early teenage daughter. This was a tough decision as they had been in a new, local school, it was a forward thinking school with no PE, community projects etc, but their child was quite academic, didn’t seem to be getting enough stimulation or challenge, has moved to school further away, Dad is now taxi man too, but it seems worthwhile so far. One of us knows a ‘Rigger’ who has travelled the world, working on high rise building projects and wants to introduce this sort of trade training in to NZ schools. We all lamented the lack of woodwork/metalwork/home economics nowadays. One of us had children in trouble at school recently, followed mates to shops instead of school, one of them was caught shoplifting, not the first time. We understand that kids get distracted, we only hope that they learn these lessons while they’re young and what is right and wrong. We appreciated the influence of sport on our children, especially once they take it seriously, opportunities for travel and professional careers are fantastic, but they need to learn about life balance too especially the prospect of injuries, or depression if the career path does not eventuate. We talked about how it is true that it takes a community to raise good children, but that is not always all that’s needed, in some cases that implies that the parents are excused, in reality the parents are vital and mustn’t neglect kids. One of us, caught between his children and a wife who wants to move to Nelson to be nearer her family, was reminded that there is free counselling and mediation available from the Family Court, if they had not already… These sessions apparently start with separate interviews, then they see each couple together, hoping to avoid court, plus that if you get a good mediator/counsellor, it’s great! We talked about how it is normal for relationships to go up and down, especially around childbirth. Fathers need to be sensitive to the changes mothers go through. We also talked about the agony of knowing that if you leave, or your children are led to believe that’s what happened, it can leave a bad memory or cause trouble later.
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11/07/09

We talked about our mission, and we tried a few words together, please comment on the above text and introduction statement. We talked about how we never want to fight over access issues, the last thing we want to fight over is our children, and the last person we want to fight with is usually their mother, but… We talked about the story of king soloman, when two women fought over a baby, he asked ‘Should I cut this baby in half?’ one woman cried ‘No, I’ll give up the baby if you will do that’ so he then gave this woman the baby… Whether we are resigned to engaging in any battles, we should try to do some things that transcend the fight. ie, write the kids a letter, saying, I don’t like fighting over this, I want to spend quality time with you, and I always will, etc Don’t get too engaged in the fight and lose sight of the need to enjoy and be happy with your children, to be right is not always as important as to be happy, esp. for your kids. We talked about how some dreams require a sacrifice, but never give up wanting to be the best dad we can, and that we should always look for the silver linings. One challenged us all to answer, ‘If we asked our kids, what would they say about how, we loved them’ with some of our children witnessing the answers, we all enjoyed another positive connection. This Week’s News: Men’s Group – a movie was previewed at the Rialto in NZ on Monday, this Melbourne based tragedy was filmed entirely with first takes, so it grabs the audience and takes them for an emotional journey.. join the guys in their safe place, hear their stories, see their lives. Highly recommended and hopefully rolling out near you soon! (Watch this space for future screening info.) Epsom Library are continuing their monthly session of ‘PlayDads’ stories with action and movement, with the next one at on April 4th, Starting at 9am for children up to around 2 yrs old, and their dads! Man Alive are offering a new Men in Relationships programme in Henderson starting on Tue. 7th April, a 12 week course for any men who want to work on relationship issues, any questions contact, chris.mullins@manalive.org.nz ________________________________________

12/05/09

We heard about how the new Movie – Men’s Group, sees a few relative strangers come together, develop respect, become mates, care for each other and explore many of ‘those unspoken things’, as they struggled to communicate their feelings. One guy usually had a little tipple, before each meeting in his car… We talked of how mainly guys, use alcohol or drugs to cope, how this is never a solution, it usually ends up in misery, one of us has been through the rehab and knows now. One of us has a child just out of starship, two weeks in, now at home on medication, a bit of a tie but that’s being a dad, they quickly make you realise what your precious treasure is. One of us had ‘return business’ from 5 old work contacts recently, and realised that he had had good relationships, as well as good business with those customers, which is good..! We talked about listening and making new members feel welcome. *We were asked if we knew ‘the three most difficult things to say’ 3. I love you 2. I’m sorry 1. I need help We talked about respect and accommodating both cultural and parenting or even personal situations. How only one person should speak at a time we should not swear at, put down or make fun of each other, be positive. One of us went to see his dad (86) at a family farewell and realised that, at some stage soon, he will feel more like a father to his dad, as he looks after him, or takes over some of his health and wellbeing.
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Join us for any father related issues or support…
Wednesdays, 7.30pm, Onehunga Community Centre, 83 Church Street, next to the library.

Father & Child Auckland ‘Moving In’

This time last year was our ‘Coming Out’ so this week, we are very pleased to be moving in to the Onehunga Community Center, 83 Church St, next to the Library.

Having held our meetings there and helped host the Monday Jingle and Jive sessions for toddlers, we can tell this is a fantastic center with many great people.

Jenny McKay has been most helpful in forming our group plus the local Parents Center, other support groups and counselors use the facilities.

Since we have had our office in Christchurch, many dads have been able to visit and deal with us during office hours, plus we can easily deal with other agencies.

Fathers can pop in and maintain the relationships, as their children grow, sharing news and support.

Father & Child Move Into Auckland

The Father & Child Trust is now officially represented in New Zealand’s largest city. Brendon Smith has taken the role of Auckland Regional Coordinator. He will be in charge of establishing local networks and contacts that will lead to the provision of Father & Child services in Auckland.

Brendon became involved with Father & Child through this magazine about three years ago and has contributed regularly. For the last two years he has also been a member of the Trust’s Board.

In his other life Brendon helps build websites, works as a yardman and is a primary parent to his daughter and son.

Father & Child work in Auckland is planned to start with the maternity sector, which means involvement in antenatal classes and postnatal support for new dads.

The Trust had targeted the sector in Christchurch since its beginning nine years ago and has built up a fair amount of knowledge about new father support. Much of this is available through the Father & Child web site and through the resource ‘ Dads and Babies’.

Brendon also wants to get a core group of dads together to manage the Auckland branch.

“I think the Auckland region already has good press and several well established men’s groups.”, he says. ”While some of them focus on father’s issues, not many have the backing of a good research and services base like the Father and Child Trust. I hope to establish a positive and effective service for all fathers by sharing information, including local features and promoting the magazine.”

The Trust had tried at the same time to establish a Regional Coordinator position in Wellington as well, but so far has been unsuccessful in obtaining funding.

The Trust’s Christchurch-based general Coordinator Harald Breiding-Buss is optimistic about the Auckland branch’s prospects:

“This is the first serious attempt in a very long time to establish regular services for dads outside Christchurch and hopefully the first step in father support being provided everywhere in New Zealand”, he says.

Auckland Father & Child Trust contacts:
PO Box 11 931, Ellerslie
Ph (09) 525 1690 or 021-892 980